How would you react? - Part II
I wrote about Jennifer Smith last week. A girl that was kidnapped at the age of 14, kept hostage in a brothel for six years or until a man she later marries saves her.
I got one good comment to my blog entry which said many interesting and intelligent things. Not surprisingly it said pretty much what I had expected. The comment brings out the important fact that there would be a lot of emotions involved so it is difficult to predict the exact outcome but the general theme in the comment was compassion for the girl.
My simple prediction doesn't involve too many emotional details. I would think that if I were Jennifer's parents I would be overjoyed and try to do everything in my power to help her get back on track with her life and to help her heal her wounds. In addition, I would make sure that the police made sure the people responsible were punished. If I were the police I would do anything in my power to make sure they get the punishment they deserve. In the shoes of John Wilson's family, I might be a bit more skeptical. I would probably worry that she has gone through too many difficult things to be able to give my beloved son a happy life. At the same time I think I would think it was romantic (after I got over the shock that my son had been in a brothel that is). So some skepticism, lots of relief and happiness and enormous anger towards the criminals.
Now what if I told you that Jennifer couldn't go back to her family and even had to hide from them because they want kill her? What if I would tell you that the police is trying to send Jennifer back to the brothel since the brothel owner pretends that he was married to Jennifer? And that John Wilson's family isn't much more helpful and that his brother-in-law is threatening to divorce his sister just because of this. Sounds like bullshit doesn't it?
Unfortunately, the girl I have been calling Jennifer is really Aisha Parveen and John Wilson is Akram. They are live in Pakistan where traditions are drastically different from what we know.
The worst is to read about this and know that there is nothing that you can do to help her. Such cruelty towards a young girl which has been kidnapped and abused is incomprehensible. The entire story is sad and cruel but the biggest monster in my minds are her family. How is it possible to want to kill your child which has done nothing but be at the wrong place at the wrong time?
The big bad world.
Yes, a family that thinks like this is the hardest of all for me to understand. (Hmm, the brother-in-law seems like the other difficult candidate). And if families think like this, they are likely to reflect and perpetuate a culture that thinks like this, leading to legal systems which are designed to enforce the approach (or vigilante law which tends to be less predictable, less reliable, and less consistent with principles of justice that are accepted widely but not within a particular community).
If I marry two people at once, then I would expect a lot of people to be upset. My own family would be at least very unimpressed, although they are a fairly forgiving lot. The legal system where I live would be less forgiving, and require me to divorce at least one partner. If I happened to want to marry someone of the same sex as me, I would likewise have legal problems, as well as earning the disapproval of many people around me.
These are not in the same league as people trying to send me to work in a brothel against my will. But they come from the same thing - a culture that decides what is and is not reasonable for other people to do.
Which is every culture. I refuse to give up my cultural belief that killing people is basically a bad thing. Even if they married the wrong person. Or if they raped people. And that when the state claims someone did something wrong and feels they should be punished, killing them is still a bad thing, whatever their crime. I also believe that people should have a legal right to kill themselves, that forcing someone to have sex against their will is always wrong, and that people of "an appropriate age" should have the right to drink what they like, but not have the right to be wherever they want doing whatever they want in a state of intoxication. And a few other things.
Some of these beliefs I am prepared to argue for, and actively try and convince people that I am right. Others are personal beliefs and I don't care what others think. And I understand that others are going to try to convince me of stuff that I think is total rubbish. (Like the idea that marriage should be one man and one woman living together forever with the purpose of bringing up children). That's what being a social animal is about.
It's a pity for Aisha Parveen, and for many people in many places that my beliefs aren't shared by everyone. A friend of mine would not have been beaten for a decade and a half while her family told her to "work it out", my mother would not have been legally denied a pension plan just because she should be able rely on her (now ex-)husband, another friend would not have been killed by a drunken driver. There are lots of people who suffer a great deal, and many whose suffering is aggravated by other people's beliefs and the community that results from them.
If I had a better solution, I'd offer it. Talking about it is very slow, but surprisingly powerful.
Blog on...
Tricky subject
Your comment got me thinking and that is partially the reason why it took so long to write a reponse. A lot of interesting topics in there to explore. I think I will keep it short here and maybe elaborate a bit more later in an entry...
Yes, every culture has its boundaries and beliefs and it is difficult to decide who is right and who is wrong. I tend to believe that things are all right to do or belief as long as they do not harm other people, that everyone has equal rights, and that everyone involved in something is in there of free will.
Not harming people should eliminate all violence, killing raping, and physical abuse. To take an example of my latter requirements we can mention same sex marriages, well those are two adults that want to do this. It doesn't hurt anyone else that these people live together? Anyone pretending to be hurt by it needs to take a deeper look at themselves and realize that they are being egoistic.
No, it isn't that clearcut. These things get tricky as soon as someone breaks the laws and needs to be punished. Then they are no longer equal to the rest of people.
But we need to start somewhere!