A Medium Geek... No More, No Less

Norway has just been through a brutal terrorist attack. A right-wing extremist or really just a monster killed 77 people and has left the country in a state of shock and sadness. My heart goes out to the family of the victims. Norwegians have been strong and it is amazing to see how it has brought this reserved nation together. This is in real life, the picture I am seeing on social networks isn't always quite as beautiful.

When we should be entering into dialogue across political borders and beliefs and trying to work towards unity, I see a lot of people trying to shut people out. They keep posting screenshots of other people's post where they have said something inappropriate or even horrible. There have been numerous encouragement to remove people from their friend list if they say something racist or hateful. I understand people have an urge to distance them from these hateful words, but I don't think this solves anything. I also sometimes suspect that people are doing this to portray themselves in a better light, highlight how much more intelligent they are than anything else, but I might be wrong.

I fear that this will come at the expense of freedom of speech. The dark side of freedom of speech is exactly this. You need to be allowed to say things out loud that aren't always politically correct or appropriate. It is then our duty as society to try to argue with these people that their views are wrong. Trying to shame people into changing their mind by acting intellectually superior never works. Trying to change their mind by excluding them, doesn't work either. If we don't want to discuss with them, they will simply seek out like-minded people elsewhere. Hateful like-minded people that will only help them confirm their beliefs and breed more hate.

Anders Behring Breivik has been repeatedly referred to as lone wolf by the media. Lets not create more lone wolves by removing people from our friends list or by trying to shame them in thinking their beliefs are wrong. Lets engage in a discussion with people that are hateful and have ignorant beliefs. Lets bombard them with research, numbers and arguments that prove them wrong. Ask them to provide the same to back up their arguments, they likely wont be able to. Use this intelligence of yours to prove to them that they are wrong. You might on occasion even learn something new in the process. Not everything politically incorrect is wrong.

I know not all trolls can be tamed but I promise you that you can make an impact on many. It might not sink in right away but if you do it well, their mind will be processing your arguments in the background for a long time and they might eventually change their ways. When you see that your arguments start to sink in, step back and let them think about it. Give them time to come around. If they start posting more hateful things, start again. Rinse and repeat until clean! If you lock them out, their mind will only keep confirming their beliefs and at some point they might spiral into something dangerous.

A girl and a guy are sitting together on the subway talking, obviously friends.

Another guy comes in and greets the girl warmly and sits down with them. So they seem friends as well.

The girl leaves on the next stop and two men that don't know each other are left sitting opposite each other.

They frantically dig up their mobile phones and start playing with them to avoid eye contact.

What did we do before we could hide "behind" our modern day shields? Would these two strangers have talked or just stared into the air?

This is actually something I have been thinking about for years. Now it is no longer just a hypothetical question but an actual issue that needs to be addressed so I thought I would throw this one out there. An appropriate question for the Women's Day. What is the modern day princess?

We have all seen them. Little cute girls dressed up in pink, frilly dresses with tiaras dreaming about being princesses. When someone gives
birth to a little girl people congratulate you with the "little princess". You go to the bookstores and you see the girl section full of pink princess stories. Pretty much everywhere where there is a girl section it is filled with overly pink Disney princesses.

A little princess in the street of Funchal, Madeira

I however don't think the princess concept is appropriate in today's society where we are supposed to be equal to men. It is an outdated image of a pretty helpless princess waiting for just one thing. A handsome, rich prince that comes and marries her. We actually have another name for it these days. We call it a golddigger. The hidden feminist in me gets a mild heart attack at the thought of Silja having these kinds of dreams.

It is much easier with little boys. They dream about being Spiderman or Batman or whatever superhero-man is popular at that time. Much easier to explain to them that they aren't real when the time is right for proper dreams. Princesses, however do exist in real life. Most of them inherit their position or marry into it. One might think that the princess image could be helped by the Norwegian princess Märtha Louise that partially renounced her title and started her own business adventures. Except that her money making scheme is to trick gullible people into believing in angels. Yes you read this right ANGELS! Not exactly a healthy role model there.

So isn't it about time that the princess ideal gets replaced with something else that is a better role model? Someone that has a respectable spot in society earned through hard work and kindness? It needs to be someone with visibility in media but is there any such person out there? The people in media are scandalous movie or music celebrities, politicians that have barely held a real job in their life, career women that have inherited their empires from their fathers, and other ruthless business women? Why are there so few women that have accomplished thing in their life on their own without coming across as brutal? I know they are out there but I still can't think of a single one that could act as a princess substitute.

Princess candidates? I think not!

I guess we could invent a hard working woman that got herself an education and a job, worked hard and got promoted, and maybe even started her own company. She would exercise and eat healthy because that weak princess on the pea concept got to go as well. She then finds a guy that does half of the house work and supports her with her career. No Cinderella dreams for her, she goes out and gets the things that she wants!

The problem is that I can't really see her wearing a pink frilly dress and I can't really see little girls being excited about going to costume parties wearing a little business suit with a laptop bag instead of a tiara. I seem to run into a dead end everywhere.

So does anyone have any ideas who the modern day princess could be? Someone that is successful, visible, and could at least pull off wearing a pink dress on an occasion?

One would think that life was perfect when you are happy but it really isn't!
There is one major drawback of being happy. You have less to talk about.

I have been repeatedly finding myself in situations where I feel left out
because I don't have much to complain about. My life is quite nice right
now. I am staying at home on maternity leave with what I believe is the most
wonderful daughter in the whole world. I am in a happy relationship and
have economical stability. I could continue but I don't think you would appreciate it. Sure not everything is perfect but it really is all just small stuff that doesn't matter much.

I have at times considered inventing some relationship troubles when out
with my friends when they are all talking about their relationship challenges.
Or some baby related troubles when hanging out with other moms. Just to be able to join the discussion. So I haven't done that yet but what I have done quite often is to leave out happiness details about my life. It is not that I don't want to share them, I just don't want to annoy people. Seriously we all hate them and I don't want to be one of them. You know, those constantly happy people that poison us with their happiness.

It is kind of sad that you aren't really expected to be happy. That we get
annoyed by other people happiness. It is really the 12th rule of The Jante Law. "Don't tell us you are happier than us".

But really, it is a luxury problem. Think I rather want to keep feeling left
out of conversations when I think about it. And at least I can complain
about this! :)

Haven't we all been there. You see something on a forum that annoys you. Maybe someone "attacking" someone for something you don't think they deserve. Someone stating something that you know is just plain wrong. You drag out your 10 weapons, gently rub them and then hammer out a quick response. You artfully click the send button with your mouse, and then sit and not so elegantly keep hitting reload awaiting the other person to answer "sorry, I was wrong".

Yeah like that is ever going to happen!

So now you are thoroughly annoyed. You meticulously research your previous answer and include links and references to back up your arguments. This time you pretty much beat your mouse when clicking the send button and enter the reload-waiting loop again. What happens? Most likely the person will just ignore your response and keep on pressing their argument. Gahhhh!

Now you become obsessed. You can't stop thinking about it, can't stop checking the thread because you are still secretly hoping that this person will have an epiphany and discover the error of their ways. No matter how hard you try you will lie sleepless in bed with your annoyance scratching at brain like a cat trying to get in. You fantasize about meeting that ignorant person and forcing them to read your well researched answer at a gun point. Well except a person like me doesn't condone gun use so you erase that thought and replace it with one where you are holding them down with your imagined super power strength.

And then if you are Mediumgeek an awful thought might strike you one night. What if it isn't just the other person that is being stupid and stubborn. What if it is me and I am just unable to see it...

I rarely hang out on online forums. There are few that I occasionally skim but most of the time I never post anything. They generally annoy me and some are worse then others but let me not get into a rant about that now. There are however rare occurrences when I do the stupid thing of entering a discussion thinking I might be able to change someone's mind. Almost always I end up in the dreadful state above. The most annoying thing of all is that nobody seems to read if you post any facts/links/references there. They will simply continue to respond to something else. I have usually taken this as a sign that I am posting something that they are either (a) unable to understand because it is above their brain level (b) something they have no counter argument against, hence proving my point, or (c) something they are too lazy to read, hence losers that can't be right.

But from now on I will always have an annoying "what-if" at the back of my head. How can we ever know if we are not just being stubborn and stupid ourselves if it isn't a very clear cut 2+2=4 discussion?

Just think about it, are you really sure you are right?

I used to love when people came to me and asked for advice. I used to analyze the situation carefully and try to give the most sensible advice. It was only recently that I realized that even if people came to you for advice, they aren't always interested in the most sensible advice. What they are really looking for is a confirmation that the choice that they have already made is the right one.

Doesn't sound familiar? Haven't we all had someone (a friend or a colleague) come to us and ask for advice and then you later find out they did just the opposite to what you just advised them? Or they might even get into an argument defending one of the choice.

After I started noticing this, giving advices was no longer fun. Analyzing it further I realized that no matter what you do you are bound to be the one that draws the shorter straw.

Just think about it.

• If you are right and they don't listen to you: They will either (a) be too
  embarrassed admitting it to you later or (b) hate you when they see the I
  told you so smirk you cannot always hide on your face.
• If they listen to you and you are right: They will (a) be secretly annoyed
  that they were wrong in the first place and not admit it, hence no
  recognition or (b) they will convince themselves that it was their idea after
  all so you get no credit after all.
• And then of course you are wrong you get blamed. That one you might actually deserve but it still sucks. You didn't ask them to come to you for advice.

Not exactly a win-win situation.

I have been trying to figure out what is the "right" behavior when people ask for an advice. I have noticed that some people use this opportunity to agree with people to get them to like them (mostly in a business setting). I would feel like I had to wash my mouth with soap if I did that but is there really something to gain disagreeing with them other than my pad my ethical ego? Wouldn't the least selfish thing be to help them be more comfortable with the decision they have decided on anyway?

Should I maybe do something like this?
1. Find out if they have already made a choice.
2. Determine if that choice is life-threatening in any way. If life
threatening give the advice you think is right.
3. If not discuss the choice with them and let them come to the conclusion
(again) that their choice is the right choice never actually saying it is
the right choice yourself to not be held responsible for something later.

No matter how I twist and turn this it doesn't feel right. Maybe avoiding being asked for advice is the best approach...

I am quite good at saving leftovers but suck at actually eating them. Up until recently I have convinced myself that even if I rarely end up using them, it is good for the environment that I save them. You know, these few times I actually eat them instead of buying and cooking something new I am being very kind to the planet.

Then it hit me. The amount of aluminum foil, cling wrap, and bags probably eats up the positive effect and more. And lets not forget the extra garbage bag needed if the thing happens to become alive hidden somewhere deep in my fridge.

Sure I could be less wasteful and use washable plastic containers but who has time to dig up find matching lids for multiple containers when you and your stuffed belly really just want to crash on the couch.

Trying to figure out what is worse, throwing away the leftovers I might eat or covering them up just in case I might nibble at them later seems practically impossible. Quick googling didn't help. There are people that have figured out that aluminum foil is worse than cling wrap. They however don't seem to take into account all the times that you rip the cling wrap wrong or when you get it all tangled up and have to try again... and again... It is indeed a complex problem with a lot of factors.

I somehow have a feeling this will become one of those nagging questions on my mind anytime I stuff my leftovers into the fridge. As if the guilt of rarely eating them wasn't enough :( .

A thought hit me the other day while watching Popular Music from Vittula (which is by the way a great movie). A scene in the movie showed an entire town leaving their house to watch when the town's roads are asphalted for the first time. Everyone was excited. It made me a bit sad thinking about how few things excite us today. We certainly wouldn't go out on the street to see it asphalted. We seem a bit numbed by the excess of everything. Very few things make us react.

Christmas this year was special in many ways. It was Silja's first Christmas and despite the fact that she doesn't really understand I made sure that the Icelandic Santa put something in the shoe she left in the window, and that we took photos of her "opening" few presents. She of course was mostly preoccupied with eating the wrapping paper but all the same she will hopefully be able to look back at the photos one day and enjoy them. And I got carried away thinking about my childhood Christmases and the small things I used to enjoy back them.

One of the things I remember about Christmas was the smell of things. The smell of Christmas food, the smell of apples, the smell of those shiny Christmas decorations, the smell of the few precious Quality street candy pieces you got, the smell of clementines (previously known as mandarines) and the smell of pine. Then there was the joy of decorating the Christmas tree with unmatched Christmas ornaments and the joy of opening advent calenders with, believe it or not, pictures.

Today there is excess of everything. People buy new ornaments to make sure all the colors are matched on the tree, apples are used as decorations (didn't see anyone eat one this Christmas), you can eat a whole box of Quality street candy if you want and by the time Christmas comes everyone is sick and tired of clementines. Imagine trying to give an advent calender with just pictures?!? The smell is still there but who has time to smell that poor apple that sits in a bowl on the table. There is so much else going on. Other more expensive and shiny apples have taken over. Those unfortunately don't have any smell that you can remember in 20 years time. I hope I can teach my daughter the joy of small things and that Christmas wont just become the time of the year where she speeds through opening her presents not really stopping to notice what was in them. I fear that this will be difficult. It seem that we have lost the ability to enjoy the small things.

So at least this is a small reminder to myself. Enjoy the small things in life. It is a real pity that I have become allergic to apples (the silver ones as well) but at least I can remember to smell it every Christmas in the future! There is my first New Year's Resolution! Now I need to stop blogging to work on the rest...

Haven't we all had one of those dreams where you are trying to get some place but everything is going so slow that you are not getting anywhere. Feels a bit like trying to run in a swimming pool. The scary part is that my life is feeling more and more like that. Time is flying by at bullet speed but I seem to be getting slower and slower and doing everything at snail speed.

I remember time being much slower when I was a kid. I would be able to read multiple books per day, play for what felt like forever, and all this together with going to school. And who doesn't remember Christmas Eve where the day literally felt like weeks. You would hear every tick the clock made and I am sure the intervals between each tick were much longer back then.

Today the day is finished before I have blinked and normally it ends with an unsatisfied feeling that I haven't gotten anything done. I feel lucky if I can squeeze in an hours worth on any of my hobby projects. I feel like everything takes longer than before.

It isn't just when I was a kid that time seemed to go slower. Just looking back few years and I feel like I got more done both at work and at school. And just to be clear, this has nothing to do with me getting a baby. I felt like this before Silja. Though I must admit that time hasn't exactly slowed down after she was born.

Once in a while you pass an old woman or man on the street walking slowly home from the store. They are going awfully slow and you cannot help but hope they don't live very far away because they cannot be going at more then 1 km/hour speed. An horrible thought struck me this morning while pondering why I feel slower. Am I maybe slowly becoming like that old woman that does everything in slow motion? I mean, they don't just become this slow in one day...

Ok, so I get why time is going faster now than when I was a kid. That has to do with responsibilities and such. I only had to eat breakfast and not make it and clean up afterwards as well. And I certainly didn't have to calmly enjoy my morning coffee cup...

This however doesn't explain why I am slower then I was couple of years ago. The only plausible argument I can find is that I am focusing (or wasting?) more time on details than I did before. I cook more complicated meals, I care more whether the table has been wiped clean, and I have a harder time slapping together a blog entry quickly and posting it. At work I get more and more meticulous that my deliveries are of certain quality.

Then there is procrastination. I catch myself repeatedly not getting things started quickly enough because I just need to check that one thing first... Not sure if that is worse than few years ago but it sure feels like it.

Then there are more gadgets in my life taking up my time. Phone that can do more, ebook reader, exercise clock etc. While they should in theory be simplifying my life they require updates, maintenance, and lets not forget times waiting on buggy software. This is eating up their benefit and more.

So literally I am trying to run through life dug deep in a pool of details and gadgets while constantly distracting myself with things like Facebook. That is the only conclusion I can make. At least that is a better explanation than that I am becoming like the old slow people. Or am I missing something else? Did the earth maybe start to rotate faster?

I am afraid that I am about to loose my voice. My inner voice that is. A while back someone sent me a link to a site I quite enjoyed. "Sad Facts of Life". A collection of brutal and often true statements. One in particular has stuck with me. Sad Fact number 29:

No one cares what anyone else has to say about anything. We’re all just waiting for our turn to talk.

I think it stuck with me because it was something that I had been observing in real life around that time. Before that time I was blatantly unaware that people generally do not care about what you are saying. I hadn't even realized that I myself didn't give a damn about what other people were saying half of the time. I was too busy waiting for my turn to talk.

When I started understanding this, it became gradually more difficult for me to mindlessly babble away about everything and anything on my mind. I still do it of course but more often than not it is because I am trying to fill an awkward silence. I often find myself cutting my story short when I sense that people aren't interested. Gradually I have grown accustomed to telling people less and less what is on my mind.

Having stayed at home for few months with my baby has made me acutely aware that I am not getting an outlet for expressing my thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, being at home with a little baby is truly wonderful. There aren't many things I miss to be honest, except talking. The babbling I do with my little Silja isn’t enough for me. I meet up with other mothers regularly and get a certain outlet there but mostly we talk babies and some of them I have just met so it takes time to get to know them.

I haven't forgotten how uninteresting it could be when you met people that only talked baby stuff to you before you got your own baby. What I however didn't realize is that your previous life becomes kind of uninteresting as soon as you get a kid. Discussing things from your old life at great lengths isn't that interesting to be honest as you have nothing to bring to the discussion. Since you are very aware that discussing babies is a no no you try to avoid it but it cripples everything. You can't really deny it that there is a new dimension to your life that is bound to have some effect on pretty much anything that you talk about.

So I am not really lacking an outlet to discuss babystuff but I am lacking an outlet to talk about my life and my thoughts without feeling conscious that it might contain some mentions of baby. Most of all I miss the level of discussions that my lunch table at work used to have during their golden years 5-6 years ago. Heated discussions about everything between heaven and earth. I will forever remember those days with a nostalgic clump in my heart and I would give a lot to be able to have one good discussion like that right now.

I stopped blogging actively a while back. I suffered from much the same awareness there as a I did with my discussions. I figured nobody was listening so why bother. What I am now thinking is that it is the perfect outlet to let my thoughts out without bothering anyone or sensing that absent minded silence when I start talking about my life.

So I am gonna make yet another attempt to start blogging to try to regain my voice before I loose it completely. And be warned, the blogs might contains some traces of baby.

And if anyone actually made it this far, it is now finally your turn to talk!